Too Bipolar to Live, Too in love to die.

I like burying my hurt deep in me,why? I don't want to be seen crying or sensitive.

Maybe if I acknowledge that the things the actually hurt me do, I'll be able to smile wider and dance in the crowd. I hurt over things that hurt me and a little of things that hurt everyone around me, I should probably write a 'you're just human'.

Compliments make me very awkward, I never believe in myself or my work. I don't see the person the world see's, I've doubted myself into oblivion and back. I don't want to bother so I hardly ask for help when I truly need it, what am I if I can't fix this myself? A Failure.

I'm constantly lost in my head fighting something I don't understand yet loosing every time, I say I'm not capable of hate because I have reserved all my hate for me. I have no particular likes, dislikes or anything, I just take it all and smile. I've been blank for so long I don't think I know anything I want to do anymore.

So, I run.

From everything and anyone that finds me interesting or see's me for I fear they'd see the cuts I've inflicted on myself and ask why, I avoid fights or conflict because I don't know what to do from there yet I meet these people every time, people that see me, care for me, want to be around me, support me, hurt me, leave me confused and I run. Im not one to stay in a place and let people actually see her scars.

There are names I should mention but I'm really tired of constantly apologizing, I'm taking walks now. Here is the writeup that should have come first yet it's coming last because something like 'better late than never', I'm very ungrateful because I know you're not expecting me to be perfect yet I'm too sorry for breathing loud to understand.

I've had people fight for me yet I haven't been fighting back, I do too much of flight. I don't even want to talk much because I don't want to be the victim of some reported speech, so I speak my truth with fear😂😂. I've been a coward.

I'm probably still going to be this person next year😂😂 but here's my apology, it really isn't you, I'm just too in my head to see.

"19