Growth.

As we grow so do our insecurities, the light in our eyes slowly die and we change.

You look through your old pictures by some sort of mistake, you see the light in your eye disappear with every swipe. You might wonder why, you might have accepted who you are now so you don’t fret, just say to you that you had a good youth and move on.

However, if you are someone like me you'll start to feel miserable, tired and a little nostalgic and above all tired. You're not me, you are a sane person that does sane things.

It all sucks hard really, not just for you but for the people care and have to endure watching your light die, your voice go, your spirit break and not be able to do anything about it. 

You think back a whole lot in a desperate attempt to fix the bulb that has gone out. You’re an electrician with a certificate at this point.

Is this the point you realize you're tired of being sorry for yourself? Accept that this is who your cuts, pain, insecurity has turned you into? Or you pretend some more?. You’re probably still stuck in the trying to figure it out stage.
The how did I become this person feeling that the world terms regret is starting to steep into your soul, you're trying to remember the things that made you happy, laugh, heck you even decide to try them to feel the same. You can't. You are still bored and stuck. You're still tired. 
Few years to come you'll realize all you did was grow, battle your demons, transition and let the heat scourge you. You still have dead eyes but your soul feels good now .

I know the things come, the flashes of everything that brings you trauma but you never react to. I hope you breathe.